Tuesday, December 14, 2010

right thinking

I've been feeling lonely lately. You know what I'm talking about. I have 440 friends on facebook, yet I've been finding myself scanning through names in my phone and not seeing anyone that I feel like talking to. Oftentimes I call folks anyway, just because I know that keeping in touch with people is something that works for me. I know that it feels good to get calls, so I dial even if I don't particularly feel like it.

Funny, I've been spending lots of time getting ready for this trip where, I think I'll be spending the majority of my time alone. Certainly, I'm not expecting for my experience of India to transform all aspects of my life like some magic spell, but I really am ready for a shift to happen.

I've been enjoying school, I love being involved in recovery, I find myself more at ease than I've ever been - everything is moving along at a nice clip and in the right direction, really, just fine, but there's that last little bit my will and my life that I can't seen to turn over and I'm not even sure I know what that is.

I'm trusting the Universe. I'm putting one foot in front of the other and hoping that the answers will be revealed. So I call when I don't feel like it (I may still feel lonely, but I get to talk to people), and I may even begin to act my way into right thinking.

1 comment:

Ilene said...

You sound so good....how could you possibly "know" what that last bit is? Maybe we never know so we keep searching. I miss you and think of you often and wish we could speak even just once in a while. I will call you before you leave. I think that date is within 4-5 days, right?
Love you mucho